The pox of the chicken

The last three or so days, I have been plagued with the pox of the chicken. It was quite enjoyable (not) because I am a teenager - thus I got it worse than someone smaller than I would.

I have some things that I learned from the internet and experience, some things that are useful only for me, and some that you might find good as well, should you ever suffer from the pox or something similar.

1. Don't scratch. Don't pick. In fact, don't touch them at all. This may seem elementary, but it's REALly hard to remember.

2. Ditch your clothes. You forget about privacy whilst poxed, and in any case, it hurts the spots. However, you will freeze to death if you don't wear something, and cold is very bad. So wear a light cotton T-shirt, any color, with a wide neck to avoid rubbing. Complete this with either a sheet draped as a toga, or a bathrobe. A bathrobe is your friend in these times, as it distinguishes you from THE INVALID, who is to be pitied, and just that other fool who wanders the house without pants.

3. Bring a notebook and pencil places. Strange, but I became something of a poet while poxed. I neglected to write it all down, and now I am sad. Seriously, though, your brain is floating in this weird alternate universe where everything is beautiful, and perfect for poetry. It's quite fantastic.

4. Don't freak out when you find pox in weird places. I did that. I found one on the roof of my mouth and started panicking. It's scary, but don't worry. Anywhere they appear, they will go away if you don't touch them.

5. Watch sad movies. Really. Your immune system being ravaged, you are generally more miserable than usual, and, strange as it seems, sad movies gives you something REAL to cry about. Otherwise, your misery will assert itself in other places, as when you find a pox on the roof of your mouth, or when there is no hot water. I put in Galipolli, and it was wonderful. "What are your legs? Steel springs. What are they gonna do? Propel me down the track. How fast can you run? As fast as a leopard. How fast ARE you gonna run? As fast as a leopard!" I was sobbing. So hard to watch, but so good. So good.

6. Take hot oatmeal baths. Take lots of them. Lots. All the time. Bring a Sudoku book, and don't get out until you've done one. They're delicious.

7. DON'T. TAKE. ASPIRIN. EVER. Don't ever take aspirin. It is very, very, very, bad for you. Very.

8. Don't take sleeping pills, or any other sort of anything. It will help, and make the experiance easier, but it will also make it longer. I didn't take anything but this homeopathic remedy, and it lasted three days. (unfortunately I cannot remember the name) I've heard people (who took stuff) saying theirs lasted twelve days. Granted, they are adults, and I am a teenager, but still.

9. Something odd that I've noticed. When you're sick, you don't want to do anything. More than that - you hate the idea of doing anything and everything that comes along. Everything you can possibly think of sounds like torture. It's not so fun.

10. Don't be miserable when you look in the mirror. I know. It sucks. You went from being passably attractive to hideous overnight. You look like that orc from the third LOTR. Just ignore mirrors, and try not to think about yourself. Watch movies, read books, knit.

11. You will get a strange sense of irritation, almost worse than itching. You will fidget, tremble, and twitch uncontrollably, just because this is *all so annoying and you can't do anything about it*. Try to take your mind off it, and don't throw things or scratch. It won't help.

12. You will probably get hard lumps on the back of your head, that don't feel like chicken pox. These are your lymph nodes reacting. It sucks, because they hurt as well as itch, and often there are lots. It's important, even more than the ordinary pox, that you don't touch these. They will get bigger the more they are touched. If you leave them alone, they will go down.

13. Try not to eat milk, cheese, bread, or any processed stuff. In fact, it's better to eat as little as possible. Don't worry. You won't want to.

14. I've just read back through these and realized that a lot of this is DON'T DO THIS and DON'T DO THAT, so I want to give you poor chicken poxed people some sort of reason not to run screaming for the vaccine. Here it is:

Having the chicken pox is good. Very, very good. Studies have shown that after this, your immune system will be SUPERMAN. You will have HUGE amounts of energy. You will be smarter. Children who get this follow it by making GIANT developmental leaps. In the Olden Days, people got horrible diseases daily, and due to there being no vaccine, they had to live with them. The people who survived everything were strong and very, very healthy. Chicken pox is one of the only diseases that is almost entirely safe to get, and that does wonders for you. Basically, chicken pox is your body ridding itself of all the bad stuff in you. So, once you get through this, you will feel SO GOOD that it was worth it. Very, very much so.

Chin up! And if you, like me, were lucky enough to get the pox over Christmas, take comfort in the fact that you were festively attired in red spots.