Shakespeare, ships, and the meaning of Life

Dangerous situations

2010-10-01T19:54:00.001-07:00

Today I had two "What the hell am I DOING???" moments.

You know the ones, where you start doing something that seems perfectly reasonable and safe at the time, and then all of a sudden it hits you that this may possibly be one of the stupidest things you've ever done? Those times.

I was riding in the car, and we were going around a bend, and I said to myself, "Holy crap. I have put myself in a very small thing on wheels, going like a hundred and ten miles an hour on a very skinny patch of road. Why on earth have I done this? Am I an idiot? The possibilities that this thing will crash and I will DIE seem very likely at this point in time. The ancient Romans would probably never have done something this stupid. I mean, alright, they thought it was smart to throw criminals in to fight with lions for everyone to watch, but honestly, if you think about it, this is not that much less stupid than that was."

Which brings me to my second "What the hell am I DOING????" moment.

I was petting my dog, and it occurred to me, "Wow. What if my dog suddenly realizes that in actual fact, I am not nearly as nice to her as I am to most of my people-friends (although admittedly I rarely snuggle with my people friends) and that, if she wanted, she could kill me (assuming that while my dog is smart enough to realize this, she is not smart enough to realize that she would probably not have any food if I were dead) or at least that she could bite my hand off to teach me to be far nicer and not ignore her."

This may seem like paranoia, particularly the second, but I think one should have these moments of paranoia every so often, to remind oneself how utterly bizarre (and sometimes idiotic) the things we do really are.

Love the Way You Lie

2010-08-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago I listened to Eminem's 'Love the Way You Lie', featuring Rihanna. I really quite enjoyed it, despite it's being horribly depressing.

Essentially, I believe it's about a couple in an abusive relationship who fight (I mean REALLY fight) and then make up and have a FANTASTIC period, and then fight again. Another one of those instances where the only thing standing in the way of their love is the fact that they can't stand each other, and the only thing standing in the way of them breaking up is the face that they really really love each other.

And then I watched the music video. And I spent the majority of it going, 'Okay. This is good. I like this. And that is clearly Megan Fox, but who the HECK is the guy with her? I KNOW him."

So I went and looked it up - the music video is starring Megan Fox, and Dominic Monaghan, probably better known as Meriadoc Brandybuck in Lord of the Rings.

I'm sorry, Dominic Monaghan? It's not that I object to his being in it, per se, as he does a good job, and I think upon watching the video I felt what I was supposed to feel. (revulsion and attraction) And it's not that I have anything against people who were in family films doing adult stuff. But I'm trying hard to imagine Eminem's thought processes with this.

Eminem: Hmm, who would be PERFECT to be the guy in my abusive-yet-passionate relationship? I KNOW! Everyone's always wanted to see their favourite hobbit beating up his girlfriend, stealing alcohol, and smashing walls! Let's destroy some childhood memories!!!!! YAY!!!

However, I am morbid and I love to wallow in melancholy, so of course I like the video. Go watch it if you too are morbid and melancholic.

Favorite characters

2010-04-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

I was browsing the Intranet (Which is how it should always be spelled or pronounced. Intranet.) today, and I saw someone making a list of their favorite literary characters. I thought I would do the same.
THIS WAS FREAKING DIFFICULT. I have far too many favorite characters.

Anyway, here we go.

CALLA'S TOP TEN FAVORITE LITERARY CHARACTERS

10. DEATH - Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels
I AM GOING TO TYPE THIS ALL IN CAPS BECAUSE THAT'S HOW DEATH TALKS. DEATH IS AWESOME. HE FIGURES AT SOME POINT IN EVERY SINGLE DISCWORLD NOVEL, AND HE NEVER FAILS TO AMUSE. HOGFATHER IS THE CULMINATION OF AWESOMENESS FOR DEATH, AND IT IS ALSO INCREDIBLY SAD. I LOVE DEATH.

9. The Colonel - Looking for Alaska
He is much less well known than any of the others. I would hope that the brilliance of John Green's dialogue would remedy that - alas, I suspect that the Colonel's love of certain four-letter words will do little to recommend him. Critics have described Pudge (the MC) as a modern-day Holden Caulfield, but I think the Colonel is far more similar. I hate Holden Caulfield with a passion, but I think his temperament works better as a side character than a main. As stated before, John Green writes brilliant dialogue, and the Colonel never fails to make me laugh and make me cry.

8. Viola - Twelfth Night
Some of her speeches are simply beautiful. I think Twelfth Night, like a great many of Shakespeare's plays, is a play about love - however, I think Twelfth Night is the play with the most variation of love. There is obsessive love, loyal love, master/servant love, friendship love, sexual love, married love, and of course, sibling love. I adore the notion that Viola is not merely dressing as a man because she has to, but because it is somehow keeping her brother alive. It is also a play about secrets - Viola has a bizarre secret, but fortunately she is living in a world full of even weirder secrets. She is also very fun to play. I am someone who thoroughly enjoys playing both males and females, and in this part I got to be BOTH.

7. Gollum/Smeagol - The Lord of the Rings
I still say that Gollum is bipolar, and for some reason people laugh at me when I say this. I don't mean to be funny - Gollum IS bipolar. I love the simplicity of the character, and, at the same time, the complexity. I love how everyone seems to forget here's there, even when they're sitting right beside him, and then suddenly, he'll do something frightening or clever. I love his anticlimactic death - it's so fitting for such an anticlimactic character. And it makes me happy that, for a few moments at the end he was reunited with the ring.

6. Moritz Steifel - Spring Awakening
In both the musical and the play, Moritz never fails to astound. His quiet, frightened demeanor gives way to a startling, blazing happiness whe he realizes he has his promotion - but even the happiness seems harsh and frightening. There is something desperate about it, like a drowning rat. Moritz's final scene, rather than breaking my heart, makes it sing for him. Moritz is at his most vividly alive at this moment. He is the most filled with passion at the moment when all he is trying to do is run away from his passion. It is a beautiful scene, and I envy the actor who gets to perform it a thousand-fold.

5. Emilia - Othello
Emilia is a very different character from Viola. Viola, for all that has happened to her, still retains much of her innocence and sweetness. Emilia has none. Probably due to being married to Iago, she has a harsh, cruel view of marraige and life in general. Her husband neglects her, caring only for his plans. The only person whom Emilia seems to genuinely care about is Desdemona. In Shakespeare, there are shockingly few tender scenes between two women. All the scenes between women are generally comic, as in Twelfth Night or Merry Wives of Windsor, or horribly tragic, as in Titus Andronicus. The duologue between Desdemona and Emilia toward the end of the play manages to be sweet and loving, despite the content being very frank. Emilia reveals some of herself to Desdemona, showing her pain and anger at her husband. Desdemona, innocent thing that she is, does not know what Emilia is talking about, but sings a song to her about a woman whose husband is unfaithful. Emilia's death scene recalls this scene, and made me cry. I also love how Emilia is willing to, and does, fight for the death for what she believes in, despite two very powerful men (Othello and Iago) telling her that her input doesn't matter.

4. Stephen Maturin - The Aubrey-Maturin novels
If you know me well, I'm sure you've heard me yammer on about Jack-and-Stephen. My profile picture is of Stephen. But allow me, now, to explain myself. Stephen Maturin is a perfectly well rounded character, mostly because he is based off of his author. He is short and unattractive, oblivious to proper etiquette, a wonderful physician, a wonderful spy, and an avid naturalist. But the thing that makes Stephen one of my favorite characters is primarily his relationship with Jack Aubrey. They are so dissimilar in almost every way - Jack lives very much in his time, he is one of the last great heroes of the olden days. Stephen is what could probably be called a 'modern man' - he thinks that many of the things that Jack does foolish and old-fashioned. Jack is a sailor. I suspect that salt water runs in his veins instead of blood, and he is hopeless on land. Stephen is... not a sailor. Very much not. He is clever and quick on land, and a complete idiot at sea. The only thing they have in common is their passionate love of music. Jack plays the violin. Stephen plays the cello. They have not known each other very long, but they have been through so much together that they share a very special bond. Stephen calls Jack by a number of endearments, such as 'my dear', 'brother', and 'joy'. It is a rare literary friendship they share - there are not many books about two middle aged men, unrelated, who share such a tender bond, especially in such and action-filled book.

3. Mercutio - Romeo and Juliet
I have heard many people say that Romeo and Juliet are not the stars of the play. And it is true. Shakespeare had to kill off Mercutio, or the sweet, arrogant, and unbalanced character would have stolen the show. Mercutio's death marks the moment when the play turns from a comedy to a tragedy. That this alive young man should be lying dead is shattering. He is this play's Moritz - his death plunges all the other characters into turmoil. My theory on the special insanity of Mercutio is complex, and sounds somewhat cheesy. Nevertheless: I think that Mercutio's being - his soul, his 'self', whatever you want to call it - is too big for his body. Your average person has their inner self all nice and contained, being controlled by their brain. Mercutio's being, too big for him, whirls round and round, bringing new thoughts and ideas far too fast. This causes him to be slightly... off. So he talks and talks, and with his stunning thought processes, by the time he's finished his speech, he's forgotten where it started.

2. Iago - Othello
Who hasn't been fascinated by Iago. Millions before have searched for a motive in him (other than the ones Shakespeare gave, which, apparantly, just aren't good enough.) Why do / love Iago? I could expound on his fascinating qualities, and behave like I actually know what I'm talking about, but the fact remains that the real, or at least a major reason that I love him is this: He's sexy. Now, watch me as I try not to seem shallow. It has nothing to do with appearance. Richard III has the same qualities. He's a seductive, smooth villain, and he comes to us and seemingly opens his heart, confiding what appear to be his deepest wishes, most secret thoughts. And we willingly follow him as he dupes Othello, horrified and entranced by how clever Iago is, but thinking secretly all the while that we would not be so easily fooled. And then, at some point, it clicks. We HAVE been easily fooled. Iago is dragged in at the end, and goodness knows what we are expecting, but it is not this. stripped of his soft, talkative, sexy exterior, Iago is now hard, and remorseless, and...silent. This is perhaps the most disconcerting quality of the deposed Iago. We expect Shakespearian characters to talk to us - it is something we learn very early. Shakespeare's characters like to talk. So Iago's harsh, cold silence is immensely worrying to us. We wait for him to shout that he was only kidding about not talking, but the shout never comes. Everyone onstage has stopped paying attention to him, but we are waiting for him to talk. Iago never fails to trick us. Every singly time I expect the ending to be different. I don't think anyone expects Iago to go though with it. When he comes on in the final scene, you imagine he's angry because he never intended Desdemona to die - but when he stabs Emilia, and when he dragged on for that final moment, you realize that he's not remorseful - he's angry because he got caught. He changes from a delightful villain (the kind where you purr 'he's sooooooo evil!') to someone genuinely scary.

1. Mrs Lovett - Sweeney Todd
Part of the reason is just Sondeim's music. It's beautiful. I also love her because she can be played so many different ways, as proved by Angela Lansbury, Patti Lupone, and Helena Bonham Carter.
Angela Lansbury plays her very silly, flighty, and talkative. This enhances the feeling that Mrs Lovett was just as fooled as everyone else by Sweeney's plan - to her it was almost fun, and she never caught on that it was PEOPLE in those pies.
In the concert version, Patti Lupone plays her very jittery and, frankly, somewhat insane. This gives the feeling that Mrs Lovett has seen many things more horrible than people baked in pies, and it has damaged her permanently. This Mrs Lovett, as well, never seems to realize what, exactly, she and Sweeney are doing.
Helena Bonham Carter played her very knowledgeable - as though Mrs Lovett knows the whole time what will come of these shenanigans, but she is willing to continue with them because she loves Sweeney so much.
Part of the other reason I love Mrs Lovett is her relationship with Sweeney. Neither looks capable of multiple murders. In 'A Little Priest', they are downright cute. It shows, like Sondheim says in the final reprise of 'The Ballad of Sweeney Todd', that Sweeney is not a uniquely horrible person. ANYONE could snap that way. Few people know the lengths that human beings will go to for love. The coupling of Mrs Lovett and Sweeney gives the air of people who have to make it work - nothing's perfect, but we do what we have to. They are two lost souls, thrown together under unusual circumstances, and this is the root of their love. I think Sweeney does love Mrs Lovett, in a way. She is not Lucy, but she is there, and she is helping him, and she is a constant in his life. This is why her betrayal is all the more painful - because she was the only thing in his life that he could count on.

That is all. I hope you enjoyed it. What are YOUR favorite characters?????

Lady Gaga

2010-04-07T13:12:00.001-07:00

I am NO LONGER A LADY GAGA VIRGIN!

Seriously. I managed to go nearly seventeen years of my life without hearing any Lady Gaga, ever. You would think they would play her in stores more often, but apparently not.

Anyway, I likes it. I enjoy Lady Gaga. It is RIDICULOUSLY catchy. RIDICULOUSLY.

Also, people keep telling me how weird her music videos are and how they make no sense unless you're high. I have never been high, but I don't find them THAT strange. I find Owl City's Fireflies a lot stranger and no-sense-making.

One thing that is strange but nice about the Telephone music video is: Most music videos follow the story of the song exactly. In Telephone, it has it's own weird story, and they just happen to sing Telephone. This is quite nice and original.

As far as I can see, the story of Telephone goes thus:

Lady Gaga is in jail. We do not know why she is in jail, but it is presumably just for being Lady Gaga. She enjoys some experiences typical to all female jail-cells, such as fighting and kissing and fooling around with Caution Tape. Then she gets a phone call from her boyfriend, whom she does not like. She wishes her boyfriend would stop calling her.

Then Beyonce shows up and bails her out. They drive away in a spectacular red truck that I want. They are in LURVE and have some sort of plan. This is adorable.

They go to a diner, where Beyonce's boyfriend is. He is, in no uncertain terms, an absolute jerk. So Beyonce poisons him, and, with some help from Lady Gaga's mad sandwich making skillz, they also poison the rest of the diner. Then they dance in American Flag underwear, to celebrate their mass-killing.

Then, after changing their clothes yet again, to some cool beekeeping/wedding dress things, they drive into the sunset, holding hands. This is adorable, and, I must admit, I got warm fuzzies.

The only confusion I had was why they had to poison the rest of the diner - but presumably they had done something to make Beyonce and Lady Gaga very very angry, and we all know you don't mess with Beyonce and Lady Gaga.

As far as I can see, most of Lady Gaga's music vids are STRANGE, but not ridiculously so. I mean, I have seen many a music video that is contains far stranger things than Lady Gaga dancing in her fantastic outfits.

Super powers and Script Frenzy

2010-04-04T15:27:00.001-07:00

First new post in a while!

So I was just reading my friend Daniel's blog, (http://musingsofaliberboy.blogspot.com/) and someone asked him: If you could have a superpower, what would it be? He said, 'fly invisibly'.

Why does everyone say fly? (No offense, Daniel. I understand that yours was probably a snide commentary on how often people say those two things) Why? Everyone says fly. Seriously? I was watching something recently that had a very good answer:

If you could fly, scientists would catch you and lock you up and dissect you, to find out what the heck makes you fly and how they can do it too. Yes. They would.

After watching District 9, it is apparent to me that scientists dissecting you is not a happy ending, and not something to desire.

So if I had a superpower, it would be the ability to find things, people, and the end of awkward silences.

This month is Script Frenzy! A whole lot of people write a 100 page script in a month! Huzzah!

Anyway, mine is turning out very well, except it's too short. I killed off another character today... now I have three left, and eighty-one pages to go.

What is my play about? It is about Death, True Love, Coming of Age, Kick-Ass fighting, and there's a twist ending.

Actually that's not true, but I figure you're more likely to read and/or perform it if I say that then if I say, 'it's a macabre surrealist commentary on realism and the structure of our day-to-day lives.' Plus I sound incredibly pretentious the second way. But it INCLUDES Death, True Love, and Kick-Ass fighting. Fighting, anyway. Someone hits someone else. And then stabs them repeatedly in the throat with a knife.

Am I morbid? Does this sound morbid to you? Good.

Oh, I forgot! It's a musical. The book of a musical, at any rate, because I discovered that I am crap at writing music and/or lyrics. But it can't not be a musical, because the plot revolves around it being a musical.

Ooo, and none of the characters have specified genders or names. Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a play without having any of the characters say the words 'he/she, his/her, him/her, girl/guy'? No, I thought not. And they aren't named, they're labled as #1,#2,#3,#4,#5,#6, and #7. And before you ask, NO, it's not called "Seven". It's called "; the musical". Pronounced "semicolon the musical".

Anyway, that's all. The end. Goodbye.

Work

2010-01-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

For the last few weeks, I had a... well, I suppose it would be a part time job, because, even though i actually worked there full time, it only lasted for two weeks. So part time.

It was at a university bookstore, and I discovered something.

Being a cashier is one of the most fake, intimate, thought-provoking, and generally enlightening things ever. Plus it builds nerve and people skills.

Seriously.

FAKE: The entire experience is fake. I don't really care all that much if these people are doing well. I don't care if they have a nice day. I don't know them. I like them, I suppose, but if they are having a horrible day, then the only way it will affect me is if they are nasty to me. And then I won't like them anyway.

INTIMATE: Despite being, on the surface, fake, it is also incredibly intimate. Most of them give me their CREDIT CARD, which in today's culture, has and is nearly everything that represents them. I am holding and handling their credit card.

THOUGHT-PROVOKING: Generally all the things that make it intimate make it thought provoking. I am responsible for their happiness at this very moment. I could take a large amount of their money, forcing them to interrupt their day tomorrow and complain to Returns. I am powerful and knowledgeable in their eyes. I have the knowledge of The Cash Machine. The little tag around my neck gives me knowledge. It's kind of a scary thought.

ENLIGHTENING: it is a fantastic way to people-watch. I know a lot I didn't know about man in general. Unfortunately it is hard to put into words, and is more just a *feeling* of enlightenment.

NERVE AND PEOPLE SKILLS: I flagged down a waitress at a restaurant yesterday!!! This may not seem like much, but, having previously no nerve, I wouldn't have done it.

Huzzah!

New Years...

2010-01-06T07:06:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years, all!

I have no resolutions. Is that sad? Yeah, it probably is. That or really arrogant.

Oh, wait. I'd really like to finish all my schoolwork by May. So that's one.

I can see where this is heading. I'm going to continue to write about my resolutions, and by the end of this post I will have lots. But frankly, I'm bored, and I don't want to talk about my lack of resolutions. We'll leave it at one.

Oh, oh, I just remembered something!!! Oh, I want to talk about it! Huzzah!

So basically, I was reading Famous Magazine, (I collect them. Because they're free and easy to get) and in the back they always have the magazine 'asking the readers' something. And this month (or actually it was December) they asked them:

WHAT MOVIE'S ENDING DISAPPOINTED YOU THE MOST?

And there were various comments. The first two I didn't know. The second two were, frankly, somewhat stupid. (Casablanca and Julie and Julia)

But the third... well, the third was spectacular.

SWEENEY TODD. LOVETT + SWEENEY IS SUPPOSED TO EQUAL TRUE LOVE AND SEXYTIMES, NOT THROAT-SLITTING-FEST/HUMAN BARBECUE.

What

The

Heck?

Okay, first of all. Person, did you READ the script? The plot synopsis? The reviews? The TAGLINE? What about these things led you to believe that Sweeney + Lovett = true love and sexytimes?

Also, when has Sweeney + Lovett EVER equalled true love and sexytimes. That's right. Never. It always means throat-slitting-fest/human barbecue.

Now, maybe you meant Depp + Bonham-Carter = true love and sexytimes. But, in my experience, Depp + Bonham-Carter usually means that Tim Burton is doing something twisted, and he can't get anyone but his wife and Johnny Depp to do it.

Okay. And even if you went into the movie entirely unprepared, without ever seeing a movie, what about the REST of the movie made you think it would have a happy ending? Or, indeed, any ending other than throat-slitting-fest/human barbecue?

I could rant about this for hours, but I have to go to work. So tell me.

What do you think? Am I biased and irrational to assume that EVERYONE knows the ending to Sweeney Todd by looking at the poster? Did you guess the end (or at least that the end would be unhappy)?

Let me know.

Harp

2009-12-27T14:19:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, I has a harp. My father and I are building her. She is cherry, so she's sort of pale brown with this lovely pink tint. She is the Sophie . She is a little Limerick lap harp, so she's a little shorter than my arm, with 26 strings. She has no sharps or flats, but one can buy a 'sharper' that will allow one to set the strings to sharps and/or flats.

I am of the opinion that harps, more than any other instruments, are like ships. Don't they look like ships? And they have the curve of the pillar and neck that looks like the prow and figurehead, and all the strings are like rigging, and then there's the soundbox, which is of course the body of the ship.

Besides this, there IS a character in the Aubrey-Maturin series with a harp. Molly Harte plays the harp. Unfortunately, she is not a character one should aspire to be... she is Jack's mistress. And she gives him a venereal disease.

But I think Sophie (Jack's wife) has a harp. She definitely plays the piano. At any rate, I have named my beautiful cherry harp for her and for Jack's first ship. She feels like a Sophie. She is certainly not a Diana. If I get a Gothic harp (big and spiky) I will name that one Diana.

I am very pleased with the Sophie.

The pox of the chicken

2009-12-26T16:42:00.000-08:00

The last three or so days, I have been plagued with the pox of the chicken. It was quite enjoyable (not) because I am a teenager - thus I got it worse than someone smaller than I would.

I have some things that I learned from the internet and experience, some things that are useful only for me, and some that you might find good as well, should you ever suffer from the pox or something similar.

1. Don't scratch. Don't pick. In fact, don't touch them at all. This may seem elementary, but it's REALly hard to remember.

2. Ditch your clothes. You forget about privacy whilst poxed, and in any case, it hurts the spots. However, you will freeze to death if you don't wear something, and cold is very bad. So wear a light cotton T-shirt, any color, with a wide neck to avoid rubbing. Complete this with either a sheet draped as a toga, or a bathrobe. A bathrobe is your friend in these times, as it distinguishes you from THE INVALID, who is to be pitied, and just that other fool who wanders the house without pants.

3. Bring a notebook and pencil places. Strange, but I became something of a poet while poxed. I neglected to write it all down, and now I am sad. Seriously, though, your brain is floating in this weird alternate universe where everything is beautiful, and perfect for poetry. It's quite fantastic.

4. Don't freak out when you find pox in weird places. I did that. I found one on the roof of my mouth and started panicking. It's scary, but don't worry. Anywhere they appear, they will go away if you don't touch them.

5. Watch sad movies. Really. Your immune system being ravaged, you are generally more miserable than usual, and, strange as it seems, sad movies gives you something REAL to cry about. Otherwise, your misery will assert itself in other places, as when you find a pox on the roof of your mouth, or when there is no hot water. I put in Galipolli, and it was wonderful. "What are your legs? Steel springs. What are they gonna do? Propel me down the track. How fast can you run? As fast as a leopard. How fast ARE you gonna run? As fast as a leopard!" I was sobbing. So hard to watch, but so good. So good.

6. Take hot oatmeal baths. Take lots of them. Lots. All the time. Bring a Sudoku book, and don't get out until you've done one. They're delicious.

7. DON'T. TAKE. ASPIRIN. EVER. Don't ever take aspirin. It is very, very, very, bad for you. Very.

8. Don't take sleeping pills, or any other sort of anything. It will help, and make the experiance easier, but it will also make it longer. I didn't take anything but this homeopathic remedy, and it lasted three days. (unfortunately I cannot remember the name) I've heard people (who took stuff) saying theirs lasted twelve days. Granted, they are adults, and I am a teenager, but still.

9. Something odd that I've noticed. When you're sick, you don't want to do anything. More than that - you hate the idea of doing anything and everything that comes along. Everything you can possibly think of sounds like torture. It's not so fun.

10. Don't be miserable when you look in the mirror. I know. It sucks. You went from being passably attractive to hideous overnight. You look like that orc from the third LOTR. Just ignore mirrors, and try not to think about yourself. Watch movies, read books, knit.

11. You will get a strange sense of irritation, almost worse than itching. You will fidget, tremble, and twitch uncontrollably, just because this is *all so annoying and you can't do anything about it*. Try to take your mind off it, and don't throw things or scratch. It won't help.

12. You will probably get hard lumps on the back of your head, that don't feel like chicken pox. These are your lymph nodes reacting. It sucks, because they hurt as well as itch, and often there are lots. It's important, even more than the ordinary pox, that you don't touch these. They will get bigger the more they are touched. If you leave them alone, they will go down.

13. Try not to eat milk, cheese, bread, or any processed stuff. In fact, it's better to eat as little as possible. Don't worry. You won't want to.

14. I've just read back through these and realized that a lot of this is DON'T DO THIS and DON'T DO THAT, so I want to give you poor chicken poxed people some sort of reason not to run screaming for the vaccine. Here it is:

Having the chicken pox is good. Very, very good. Studies have shown that after this, your immune system will be SUPERMAN. You will have HUGE amounts of energy. You will be smarter. Children who get this follow it by making GIANT developmental leaps. In the Olden Days, people got horrible diseases daily, and due to there being no vaccine, they had to live with them. The people who survived everything were strong and very, very healthy. Chicken pox is one of the only diseases that is almost entirely safe to get, and that does wonders for you. Basically, chicken pox is your body ridding itself of all the bad stuff in you. So, once you get through this, you will feel SO GOOD that it was worth it. Very, very much so.

Chin up! And if you, like me, were lucky enough to get the pox over Christmas, take comfort in the fact that you were festively attired in red spots.

Fashion

2009-12-18T12:17:00.000-08:00

Lately my fashion has taken a rather drastic turn. Until now, my fashion has mostly been: If it’s niceish and has no stains, it’s good.

However, since I have dyed the hair green, I have realized one vital thing:

If one finds oneself with green hair that seems rather useless, the answer is simple.
Wear a lot of eye makeup and pretend you’re a goth. Eye makeup (on me at least) should either be worn not at all, or in great amounts.
But, to further throw off The People Who Judge, DON’T wear black. Black categorizes someone with green hair and eye makeup.
For instance:
Last night, I went to a play in eye makeup, green hair, (goth) purple turtleneck, purple scarf, (escaping Bohemian) and purple sweater vest, (nerd) with tight jeans and my fantastic high black boots. (sex beast) To complete this picture of perfection, I wore my hat. The knitted one with ear flaps. I looked rather fantastic.

I will continue to make great use of my green hair, until all the dye is thoroughly washed out. Huzzah!

REM and Breaking Dawn.

2009-11-29T14:32:00.000-08:00

So apparently, if you sleep for three hours you will be less tired than if you sleep for four hours. And generally one sleeps better if the number of hours is divisible by three, the reason being that three hours is a full cycle of REM. (Rapid Eye Movement)

I thought I would post this useless information for you. Personally I find it FASCINATING, and I plan on testing it as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Anyone else? Or am I alone in this?

I enjoy useless information.

I also recently finished the fourth Twilight book, Breaking Dawn. (I know... please don't hate me.) I made some notes while reading it, and I thought I would post them. They're pretty amusing in their disjointed form, but if you really want to know what the heck I'm talking about, go read this book. But be forewarned. It will scar you. Or make a fangirl clone out of you. Either one.

Pge 1
Arrogant. Also the epitome of Mary-Sueness.

Pge 4
Self absorbed.
GASP! Pop tarts and shoelaces? How does she live?

Pge 6
I though she was supposed to be happy about marrying Edward? I thought that was the whole point of THREE FREAKING BOOKS.

Pge 8
Arrogance

Pge 9
MY JACOB? Is she serious?
I’m not against her having a best friend that she loves a lot, but if I were Edward I'd be a heck of a lot more worried than he is.

Pge 10
Oh yeah. Rawr, Leah.

Pge 13
Yeah. You’re barely legal, Bella. Glad someone mentioned it.

Pge 15
Traditionally? Edward, no offence, but you need to spend more time in this century.

Pge 24
We get it. Edward’s awesome. Shut up, please.

Pge 27
Stop making fun of Mike!

Pge 29
So Bella gets no bachelor party? Typical.

Pge 37
Horrible foreshadowing! Why must Bella constantly have prophetic dreams?

Pge 44
I really really want to see Alice in her dress.

Pge 50
Yay Seth!

Pge 53
Aw, so Mike + Jessica only get to be ‘nice’ as opposed to whatever you + Edward is?

Pge 56
Don’t be so mean to Mike! What has he done? Oh, right… NOTHING.

Pge 58
That’s nice, Edward. Leave Bella with her BEST FRIEND. Nice and tactful.

Pge 60
No. No you haven’t.

Pge 64
Edward is RUINING YOUR LIFE!!!!!

Pge 65
Except fly. You can’t fly. And you can’t make me enjoy your book.

Pge 85
The moon is not beautiful with Bella there. And Bella is not allowed to comment on the moon’s beauty because that would be disusing herself.
My, you have an interesting view of the world, Edward.

Pge 90
B: I’m fine.
E: No, you’re not. I’m a horrible person.
B: You’re perfect. And I AM fine.
E: No, you’re not.
B: Really! I’m –
E: NO YOU”RE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pge 91
“You are killing my buzz, Edward.”
Best line so far.

Pge 107
Wow. This is something new. Nice, Smeyer.

Pge 114
First book I’ve read where the perfect character leers.

Pge 124
WHAT?????????? WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Pge 126
?????
There are so many things wrong with this page I cannot even begin to comment on them. Has SMeyer ever learned anything at all about men?

Pge 132
Wow, you REALLY hate yourself Bella.
Plus that’s creepy… a little Edward clone…*shudder*

Pge 133
Wow. That’s almost sweet. Not Edward’s creepy willingness to dispose of his offspring, but Bella’s definition of her baby as ‘my little nudger’. I like that. Shocking.

Pge 135
This little Portugese woman has the right idea. Shout at Bella, too, while you’re at it.

Pge 141
SMeyer just included a quote from Shakespeare:
‘Reason and love keep little company together nowadays’
Is this merely a description of the chapter? Or is she defending her horrible, plot-hole riddled books?

Pge 155
The pedophilia thing is actually kind of cute, and not nearly as messed up as some of the stuff in this book.

Pge 162
Stop telling Seth to shut up. He’s the only cool one of you.

Pge 174
I think I might be ill.

Pge 180
This is twisted.

Pge 181
WHY AM I READING THIS???

Pge 189
Bella plagiarizes.
I knew it.

Pge 189
Lame Shakespeare reference. Useless. It’s just to prove that Bella’s smart.

Pge 198
Why the quadruple exclamation marks? It just minimizes horror instead of enhancing it.

Pge 217
Jasper’s nickname is Jazz?

Pge ???
Are you always going to refer to your child as the ‘….fetus’, Edward?

Pge 253
I know what Rosalie needs a bed for. It’s sort of obvious, Jacob.

Pge 291
I lurve Seth.

Pge 318
Aw, Leah…

Pge 321
Ooo…. Alice/Bella.

Pge 327
Hells yes it’s too weird, Bella.

Pge 456
Where’s the mommy-baby time? Why are they being so mean?

Pge 459
Oh, pur-lease

Pge 484
Smut, smut smut….

Pge 490
I’m amazed how accurate Myth and I were with the Twilight Smut.

Pge 495
Oh, yes she did, Jacob.

Pge 515
Seriously, Bella? You name your child Renesmee and then get annoyed when people shorten it?

Pge 529
Oooh, Tennyson. Pretentious. What, may I ask, is wrong with picture books? I still read picture books, and I’m smarter than Bella. Way to make everyone else feel like their kids are dumb, SMeyer.

Pge 611
Haha. Nice use of index. Stepping out of character, but still.

Pge 611
Misanthropic? It’s blatantly obvious that you are pulling out your thesaurus, Smeyer.

Pge 613
Lesbian Amazon vampires. Awesome.

Pge 615
Don’t be so mean to the awesome lesbian Amazon vampires, Bella.

Pge 617
Typical Bella.

Pge 647
So Bella suddenly has zero problems with humans? After Stephanie Meyer made us sit through ten billion speeches from Edward about how hard human blood is to resist?

Pge 654
For someone who used to be a total waterworks, Bella is shockingly unemotional at this point. I mean, I know vampires don’t cry, but still. It’s your BABY, for crying out loud.

From Then On.
Bella saves the day. Nobody dies. A whole book wasted on a climax that didn’t happen.

Ariel and Tempest

2009-11-24T13:23:00.000-08:00

I am going to talk about nationalism.

You may be saying, "Calla, if you were going to write about nationalism, then why did you title your post in reference to your play?"

But it makes sense. Trust me.

So anyway, in my Social 20 book, they talk about nationalism, and what nationalism is. Of course, to define nationalism, one must first define a nation. My Social 20 book has many definitions of a nation (a nation is not a country. A nation-*state* is a country.) and my favorite is: A nation is a group of people who have shared history and who identify as a nation. And nationalism, by extension, is a feeling of pride and love towards your nation and the members of your nation, even if you don't actually know all the members of your nation all that well.

Well, we don't identify as a nation - and to define us as a nation is a stretch, as it would be a very small nation indeed - but I can think of no other word to describe my feelings for the cast of the Tempest but nationalism. (it is this way with most plays - I'm just using the Tempest as an example)

After the play we are exhausted. My head hurts and I can barely keep my eyes open. I left all my energy on the stage, and now I’m drained.
I don’t want to leave, though. Even considering my exhaustion, I would infinitely rather sleep here than go home, than leave these people that I have shared rehearsals and laughter and the nervousness backstage. I know I will see them again – there will be other performances. But it feels as though leaving now, we will be breaking some sort of thread, taking away a secret.

And even if I never see some of you again, we will always have this bond - we have all been a part of something really special.

Now that my serious soul-exposing is over, and now that I have embarrassed you all thoroughly, I will turn to lighter things.

Okay.
I've wanted to do this for a VERY long time, but never really got around to it (because who has time for writing when you're in a play?)

So. When in a play, I tend to create LOTS OF BACKSTORY. LOTS. (Because it's so freaking fun. This isn't thoroughness, trust me - it's just selfishness on my part.)

So I am FINALLY writing it down. But goodness gracious me - in my backstory Caliban is horrible. He's really quite horrible. And Brendan says to me that it's just Ariel's point of view, and in Caliban's backstory Ariel is the horrible one, but I would really like to hear his point of view, because it will take rather a lot of turning around to make Caliban a moral person.

But I'm not an ENTIRELY biased person, because Ariel can be horrible as well. She's amazingly self centered - not arrogant, per se, but she thinks of nothing and no one except as they pertain to her. She has no feeling for Alonso's sadness. She has no opinion of Miranda and Ferdinand's love. She just doesn't think about it, because it does not affect her directly.

So yeah. Ariel hasn't got the greatest moral compass either. I think that the only truly 'good' people in the Tempest are Miranda and Ferdinand and Gonzalo. And possibly the Boatswain. Everyone else does nasty things at some point.

But everyone in the play did a WONDERFUL job!! You all were sooooooo fantastic, and hardworking and dedicated. And all parents get MASSIVE thank yous as well. Thanks SO much for all your help.

Straight razorrrrrs

2009-11-19T22:42:00.000-08:00

Goodness, I haven't posted in a while. My play (the Tempest) has been rehearsing lots lately and I has mucho stress. We had our final dress tonight though, and it went WELL and I'm so HAPPY, and my hair is GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. I dyed my hair green, and it is a beautiful sort of shiny deep-sea green, and I lurves it lots. *covets*

I also got to burn a sleeve off of my best friend's shirt and smear it with mud and generally destroy it. He's Caliban, and it was loads of fun. Plus I get to kick him in the face, which is SO MUCH FUN. YAY adrenaline.

And OOOOOOO, I went and got my hair cut yesterday (before the dying) and the lady cut it with a STRAIGHT RAZOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a props nut and a Sweeney Todd nut and an olden-days nut, and I was THRILLED. It was this beautiful tiny little straight razor with sort of a jagged edge, but it was sooo sharp. I nearly asked her if I could play with it, but then thought better of it. She might have thought I was weird. (goodness only knows why...it's not that weird, is it?)

Anyway, I hadn't known that straight razors were still in use, not ever having gone to a haircutter's before (yes, I know. My mum usually cuts my hair) and I was so happy that they still existed and were in use and were in use on my hair.

So yes, I'm generally happy.

Wish me broken legs! The Tempest opens tomorrow!

When I love something.

2009-10-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

When I love something I narrate in my head.

For instance.

I finished one of the three costumes I needed to make TONIGHT. It has wings. Despite them being cheap, Value Village wings, there is still something about dressing up as something with wings that makes me extremely happy inside. My narration for my wings involved lots and lots of words such as flick and flutter.

This is a very very shallow and short post.

That is all.

TITUS ANDRONICUS vs COMEDY OF ERRORS

2009-09-20T18:54:00.000-07:00

My grandfather and I were talking, and I was saying some things about Titus Andronicus and Comedy of Errors. I'm sure you've had these thoughts too, but just in case you haven't, I'll tell you them, and if you have, I'll tell you them anyway.

I was saying that it really really (REALLY REALLY) bothers me that people who claim to love Shakespeare say that there is no way that he wrote Titus Andronicus, because it's so badly written. And yet the same people CONSTANTLY perform Comedy of Errors. HOW could this be?

Anyway, so my grandfather said that I should write an IN DEPTH and CONCENTRATED paper comparing the two plays, and proving to those fools that Titus Andronicus is a MUCH better play, in characters, speeches, and overall plot (I mean, HONESTLY. Who on EARTH is stupid enough to claim that Comedy of Errors has an understandable PLOT?)

So I plan to.

Just for starters, I'd like to post a couple of my favorite speeches from Titus Andronicus, and one of the better speeches from Comedy of Errors. See what YOU think. (And tell me, please! I'd like to know what y'all think.)

TAMORA (Titus Andronicus - this is my favorite purely for the words 'chequer'd shadow', which is SO much fun to say.)
My lovely Aaron, wherefore look'st thou sad,
When every thing doth make a gleeful boast?
The birds chant melody on every bush,
The snake lies rolled in the cheerful sun,
The green leaves quiver with the cooling wind
And make a chequer'd shadow on the ground:
Under their sweet shade, Aaron, let us sit,
And, whilst the babbling echo mocks the hounds,
Replying shrilly to the well-tuned horns,
As if a double hunt were heard at once,
Let us sit down and mark their yelping noise;
And, after conflict such as was supposed
The wandering prince and Dido once enjoy'd,
When with a happy storm they were surprised
And curtain'd with a counsel-keeping cave,
We may, each wreathed in the other's arms,
Our pastimes done, possess a golden slumber;
Whiles hounds and horns and sweet melodious birds
Be unto us as is a nurse's song
Of lullaby to bring her babe asleep.

TITUS (Titus Andronicus - This one makes me cry)
It was my deer; and he that wounded her
Hath hurt me more than had he killed me dead:
For now I stand as one upon a rock
Environed with a wilderness of sea,
Who marks the waxing tide grow wave by wave,
Expecting ever when some envious surge
Will in his brinish bowels swallow him.
This way to death my wretched sons are gone;
Here stands my other son, a banished man,
And here my brother, weeping at my woes.
But that which gives my soul the greatest spurn,
Is dear Lavinia, dearer than my soul.
Had I but seen thy picture in this plight,
It would have madded me: what shall I do
Now I behold thy lively body so?
Thou hast no hands, to wipe away thy tears:
Nor tongue, to tell me who hath martyr'd thee:
Thy husband he is dead: and for his death
Thy brothers are condemn'd, and dead by this.
Look, Marcus! ah, son Lucius, look on her!
When I did name her brothers, then fresh tears
Stood on her cheeks, as doth the honey-dew
Upon a gather'd lily almost wither'd.

ANTIPHOLOS of SYRACUSE (Comedy of Errors - I thought this was a pretty good speech - although it took a Long Time to find)
Sweet mistress--what your name is else, I know not,
Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine,--
Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine.
Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
Lay open to my earthy-gross conceit,
Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
The folded meaning of your words' deceit.
Against my soul's pure truth why labour you
To make it wander in an unknown field?
Are you a god? would you create me new?
Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
But if that I am I, then well I know
Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
Nor to her bed no homage do I owe
Far more, far more to you do I decline.
O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,
To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears:
Sing, siren, for thyself and I will dote:
Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
And as a bed I'll take them and there lie,
And in that glorious supposition think
He gains by death that hath such means to die:
Let Love, being light, be drowned if she sink!

There you have it, what more needs to be said.

Symphony

2009-09-19T16:30:00.001-07:00

Now, this may sound horrid, but I have only been to the symphony ONCE in my life.
Isn't that SAD?
I know. It is.
Anyway, NOW it adds up to TWO, because I went last night, and I had me a FANTASTIC time. A friend of ours has season tickets and gave them to me and Griffin. (They were wonderful seats. Plus, if that huge thing that hangs from the ceiling at the Windspeir dropped, it would NOT kill us because we were out of the way. Yes, I frequently think about things like that.)

Luckily for me, they were doing MOVIE SOUNDTRACKS, which made me super super happy. Plus it was beautiful and amazing and fabulous, and it made me feel epic inside. I now love the symphony very very much.

One part of the symphony that is incredibly wonderful to watch, is the percussionist(s). They sit and sit and sit and sit and sit, and then, when they stand up you know something good is coming, and then they pick up their mallets/drumsticks/whatever they happen to be using, and the rest of the orchestra gets louder and more awesome, and then they hammer frantically on their drum/xylophone/wood block/whatever they happen to be playing, and then... it's all over, and they sit back down again, to wait for the next fabulous climax.

I also enjoyed watching the harpist. The poor woman must have spent YEARS studying harp, and you could hardly hear her over the violins.

Can you tell that I'm bringing in my let's-liberate-the-minor-characters baggage into the symphony? Can you tell that I purposefully went in there DETERMINED to dislike the violins, JUST BECAUSE they get all the attention?

I thought you could. You're SO smart that way.

Yesterday I also rehearsed with Daniel and Brendan, and I was VERY VERY JEALOUS of them because Daniel got to beat Brendan up, and Brendan got to get beaten up, and I didn't get to do either. Although I CAN appreciate how difficult it is to keep a straight face when a) your lines are semi-dirty, b) the other person is yelling at you, and c) your director is laughing. I think I did remarkably well, considering.

Farewell! I must go and learn my lines now. (Haha - of COURSE I'm not REALLY going to go learn my lines - I'm just saying that so you'll think I'm a dedicated person. Although if you know me, you know better.)

Druids

2009-09-17T16:47:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Lately I have been reading the novel 'Druids' by Morgan Lewellan (I know that I'm probably HORRENDOUSLY misspelling her name) and enjoying it thoroughly. I attempted to read it when I was about eight, but it was taken away from me, due to my adorable habit of trying to read books that were thoroughly inappropriate for an eight year old.

Anyway, I enjoy what they're saying about nature and things. I'm not feeling eloquent today, and I couldn't possibly describe The Source half as well as Morgan does in the book, so just go read it, okay?

However, I have decided that, while I do love Morgan Lewellan very very much, (particularly one entitled 'The Lion of Ireland'. Or something like that) I like Margaret Atwood even more. And what I like about Margaret Atwood is the way, even when she's writing nice stuff, she's still got all these undertones of creepiness that makes my skin crawl, and I LURVES it. Particularly 'The Handmaid's Tale', which, beside being awesome and sinister, is really, really well written. Read that as well. Go. Do it. Now.

The Meaning of Life

2009-09-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

Seeing as it's IN THE TITLE, I thought I should probably say something about the meaning of life.

I have no idea what the meaning of life is. At all. In any way.

However, I was recently on the NaNoWriMo Characterization Game, and my characters were asked this question. Here are their answers.

Demetrius: Whoa. Deep.

Richard: I think the meaning of life is trying to be as true to yourself as possible, and do what will help you to be the best you can.

Demetrius: We apologize for Richard. He's been watching Disney.

Richard: It's ALWAYS like this. Just because my siblings have NO ambition, they never TRY at all.

Demetrius: Richard, that's the POINT of having no ambition.

Richard: Then what's the meaning of life?

Demetrius: The meaning of life is wheat noodles fried in lots of butter, licorice tea on rainy days, and lots and lots of physical contact.

Lucius: Nuh-uh. The meaning of life is trying to get the other bastard before he gets you. And free rock concerts. Actually, free anything. Except stuffed animals. No, actually, even stuffed animals. They're useful if you're visiting some horrid friend's snotty kid and need a present.

Iago: *I* think - this is probably cliche, and has been said lots before - but I think that the meaning of life is having someone to care about, even if it's just a dog. Or a fish.

Lucius: Oh, who cares, Iago? We all know you've got *your* life all sorted out. What about you, Bertram?

Bertram: How in the hell am *I* supposed to know? I think they all sound nice.

Tempest

2009-09-15T21:24:00.001-07:00

Happily, REHEARSALS FOR THE TEMPEST ARE NOW UNDERWAY. I am Most Pleased. The first readthrough went very well.

I have a theory on My Seeing People. I think that my Seeing People is sort of like a drug sort of thing...

Don't worry. I'm not going Twilight on you. You are not my own personal brand of heroin.

Don't leave. Please.

Anyway. If I don't see anyone for a few days, I get SUPER depressed and miserable, and just basically mope around the house generally being a pain.

BUT, if I don't see someone for a LONG time, like several weeks, I am usually miserable for the first couple of days, and then I'm pretty content with my situation, up until about the last couple of days. (then I get whiny again)

Anyhoo, as of This Sunday, now that I AM seeing people again, my Contented Summer will end, and I will once again be relatively happy.

First Post/

2009-08-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

I thought I should have a blog, Q.E.D, here it is.

I am VERY happy because I reconnected with the people on the Rainbow Coven forum in NaNo. They have yet to reply to my post and tell me whether they've forgiven me for running away and abandoning them, but hopefully they have *crosses fingers*. I hadn't realized how much I missed them. Don't worry. I'm not a dorky online weirdo whose only friends are similar dorky online weirdos four countries over. Really.